the single life.

i know i have disappeared a bit over the last month or so. oops! while ive been tryin to figure out where to take this little blog of mine, ive also been working on myself. when one gets out of a 3+ year relationship in which they lived with the person for 2 years it takes a little time to get the new swing of things. and oh, ive been gettin my swing back:)

i forgot how much being single can be! not that i want to do forever, trust me, but ive been havin a blast! to get off work and decide to go for a run then do some errands just because you feel like it and not have to tell anyone where youre going, amazing. i dont have to feel bad about going out after work with friends while others go to work at night anymore. if i want to pick up and go to a soccer game with my parents on a friday night, i can, and there is no one to make me feel bad about going when they cant. i can meet a friend for coffee at the drop of a hat and talk about running for hours with her:) if i want to get out of the house for awhile and walk around town square by myself, i totally can. ive even reconnected with old friends i never should have really lost touch with. and sleep. oh beautiful sleep. i can leave the tv on as i fall asleep, or sleep until 1pm on sundays and not have anyone say a word. oh and i have flannel sheets on my bed again. they.are.glorious! i love them. 

heres a few of the things ive been enjoying, to say the least hehehe, the last few months...

you can get tattoos without explaining why.

welcome new little ones!
taya breyon rivers 02.10.2013

start playing indoor soccer again
with some of your old teammates!

go to a preseason mls game with your parents:)

have tequilla shots on a tuesday during the rebel game!

run with people who love it as much as you do

pedicures with your mom on a sunday,
just beacuse you want too

you can run away to flagstaff!

because your best friend needs you,
and you want to play in the snow:)

celebrate st pattys day on fremont street.

and get to party with new friends!



run away to san diego for a race.

and go to the beach even if it was chilly:)

single kb (as a friend coined for me) has definitley been having a good time. its been awesome to find myself again and do the things that truly make me happy! who knows where this will all take me...but i cant wait to see what new adventure i get to go on next:)

2013 my way.

its taken a little bit of time for me to decide what i really want out of this year and put that into words. i didnt want to make a new years resolution or an empty promise like giving up chocolate, like that would EVER happen haha.

and so i decided in 2013 i am going to focus on..ME!

the good part about this is it can include a lot of things and be applied into a lot of different areas. i spent the last half of 2012 getting rid of things in my life that were not healthy, like my weight and incesant knee pain. and moving on from things that werent going in the right direction, like my relationship and a few friendships. and really starting to find out what the important things are to me, finishing school and figuring out where i want my career to go eventually. and finding out what an amazing support system i have that reaches farther then i could have ever imagined.

now i can move forward in this brand new year and focus on me. i have some big plans i cant quite reveal quite yet, mostly because they arent formed yet lol. but here are some im thinking about:

*i would love to get into volunteering

im not sure in what yet exactly. the military in some form or working with kids are the areas im thinking about.

with my old store!
a very long time ago at the boys and girls club.

*finish school

this is techinically over but it was a big thing right at the beginning of the year.

*possibly rec sports

some of my ragnar teammates play volleyball and softball so im really thinking about joining now that im done with school!

*enjoy running

while this is something i already do, last year i did a lot of learning and didnt even realize it till i looked back. i had a blast last year and didnt even really stop to enjoy it all. must slow down to soak it all in. and hopefully add another state or two to my map of ones i have run in. 

boom. a warrior.

 *work on my mindset

i made some really big decisions and changes last year. its time to appreciate that the heartache happened and move to a new mental state that this is my time to figure out what i want out of my future.

*clean out my closet

this i am actually going to do tonight. i have soo many things that dont fit anymore because they are just way too big and i cant even try to doctor it up into fitting. time to get rid of all the things holding me back!

*not be so hard on myself

some days this is easier said than done. i am only 27, which seems old at times, but so young at others. i make mistakes, i make good decisions, all of which has led me into the person i have become and will continue to grow into.

*surround myself with good people

today i got a text from a friend celebrating a major milestone that not everyone would love. it was so inspiring and heartwarming that she a. included me and b. had healed from a sucky situation to now be excited about forward is amazing. i am so lucky to have her and so many others like her in my life that i need to grab on to it and learn as much as i can. it also just lifts your spirit more when you have those good ones there:)

i dont have it all figured out yet, not even close. theres a bigger plan for me in all this i know it. sure would be nice to know a little bit about what that is:) but i do know for sure that 2013 is going to get me on the right path to find out whats in store for me down the road!

the old thanksgiving.

so last year we had a new kind of thanksgiving where we stayed here in vegas and had a few family members come into town. i have to say, it was just ok. we have been going to southern california for thanksgiving every year since the 6th grade and to not do it last year was kind of a bummer. we decided (i think on that day) that this year we would save our pennies and go there without a doubt!

finally it was time to actually hit the road on that wednesday evening. now mind you we had just gotten back from southern california a few days before, but we were going anyway:) we made it just before midnight and mom and i turned in pretty early for our turkey trot in the am! just about the only thing we took from thanksgiving last year was to run a turkey trot. we had so much fun last year and i found one fairly close to where we were this year. 5am came awful early the next day since we had a little bit of a drive to dana point from lake forest. plus we needed to pick up our bibs and park which we knew there wasnt a whole lot of down there. fortunately we were early enough and parked super easy on our way to packet pickup. there was actually a whole expo for the race and TONS of people! i have never seen a 10k/5k so big. it was the 35th year running and people had been turning out for years. we huddled close together since the sun was still hiding in the marine layer and it was pretty chilly. before i knew it we were headed out!

im ready!

the course was a lot of out and backs with almost no hills, yea! we got to see the beach a few times, ran up and down pacific coast highway, and into the state parks as well. i was feeling really good, i mean really good. i kept an eye on my garmin after i thought i went out too fast and was lovin what it said. we were just past the halfway point when i saw few people running back shouting for the park officials to call for help. there was a guy that had collapsed! i wanted to stop but there were already quite a few people around him and even more when i came back the 2nd time. soon we heard emergency vehicle and most of the runners were really great about getting out of the way so they could get to the guy. i hope he was ok, he seemed to be talking a little more the 2nd time i saw him.

we continued on and rounded the last turn around soon to hit the 5 mile mark. i looked down at my garmin and couldnt believe what it said, i could soundly set a new pr even if slowed down quite a bit. of course i kicked it up instead and sped across (well for me anyway) the finish line with a shiny new time! 52:55 flashed on my garmin and i couldnt believe it:) my last 10k pr was a 56:31...thats a 3:30 minute improvement!!! i grabbed some water and spot on a higher sidewalk to wait for my mom who finished with a time of 1:29:30! there wasnt much in the way of food so we headed back up the road a bit to grab some coffee near the hotel. we saw 2 very young looking marines grabbing coffee ahead of us and we went out to thank them after grabbing ours. turns out they were from idaho and kansas, which means they just couldnt make it home for the holiday weekend. instead they had been "adopted" for the day by a local guy for the holdiay! it was so cool and they were sooo young, i mean they looked 12. crazy that my brother looked like that when he was a new marine too.

finishers!
and we got bling:)

after breakfast and a shower it didnt take long for our hotel room to be filled with my aunts/uncles/cousin that were staying at the same hotel. we tend to travel in packs! the rumor was dinner was between 3p-4p but we decided to head over a little early to hang out with my grandpa and naturally where the food is. it wasnt there very long before i had eggnog in my hand, a hill family tradition at thanksgiving, i dont even think i had to ask haha! there was a lot of hanging out, catching up with some big things for us all, and good times with family. dinner was delicious of course and it was so much fun to just be with family. we are loud, crazy, everybody is in everybody else business, and there is always a whole lot of love to go around. it was really what i needed and just easy. that night, after my grandpa kicked us out, we headed back to our hotel room to drink. this is a new occurance for us to be honest. but after my breakup my unlce promised we could get drunk on thanksgiving and he can impart his wisdom on me;) we had a blast, even if i tend to think i can keep up with the boys when i have already had some wine and then switch to jack daniels. the things you think when you drink:)

most of my big, crazy family!

friday morning we slept in a little and i avoided the black friday craziness for the first time in 2 years! we headed to rogers garden instead:) its a family tradition to go every year! everything is so beautifully decorated and really puts you in the christmas spirit:) once finished we even convinced my dad that we needed to go to the beach instead of back to the hotel for a nap! it was super overcast, but beautiful as always.

he tried to splash me so i got even!

later that afternoon we picked up my grandpa and headed to go see lincoln. the theater was friggin packed and we ended up about 3 rows from the front. seriously good movie if you havent seen it! i can definitely see why its there is so much oscar buzz around it. the rest of the family joined us for dinner at pepinos, one of our favorite italian places! most of us were leaving the next morning so it was good to have almost all of us together one last time.

saturday morning we were up bright and early to go to the swap meet!!! i know this sounds pretty silly, but this swap meet is different. its in orange county so its much better stuff than a traditional one. we wondered the aisles and browsed through the endless cell phone covers, sunglasses, and fake plant booths. my parents like to take me with them because i try on all the silly sunglasses and hats along the way! i did however score a really sweet christmas present for my brother:)

one of the best quote aprons ever!

that afternoon before heading home i was able to shoot up to brea and meet nate and katie for lunch! i hadnt seen nate since the summer and katie since the wedding. i was so grateful for people outside my family and some my own age haha! my family is great, but we had a lot of togetherness the last few days. we met at sweet tomatoes (yum!) right near their apartment and literally down the street from where we stayed for the wedding the week before. we spent a few hours catching up, laughing, comparing storeies, and just had a good time. somehow we walked away without any pictures! afterward i got to see their very cute apartment just down the street. they are just starting out and have everything decorated so cute.

this year we switched things up a little and decided to come home saturday night instead. best decision ever! it was nice to have the extra day at home before going back to work. not that we spent it totally relaxing. i ran that morning, probably farther than i should have, then we spent the rest of the morning/early afternoon moving and storing the rest of my furniture from the apartment. it was a big relief to get everything else out and just be done. now i can really move on!

thanksgiving this year was a blast and so different from my last couple. i was really able to just be me and not have anyone else to worry about. plus it was like my family really decided we were old enough to do things like drink with them now haha! good thanksgiving:)

the breakup.

i have been dreading writing this post for awhile, probably why i havent done it yet. i have also been a little mia lately because of this posts title. mostly ive been trying to hide in my bubble and let myself at least try to start the healing process. but eventually i have to come out of that and face the realizations of all of this. last saturday richard and i broke up. 

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it was my choice, i am the one that said the words and made my decision to walk away from it all. that doesnt make any of this hurt less or easier because i said those words. in the end we were just going in two different directions. three years of love, memories, and emotion dont just go away overnight. we are both still trying to figure out our next moves. luckily our lease was up so we are able to walk away from the apartment without having to break a contract. i have decided to move home with my parents, who graciously opened their arms and said of course.

i am still wading through a lot of my own emotions and most days are still a roller coaster filled with all of them. i have been truly blessed with an amazing amount of support from everyone around me. they say time will heal, and im sure theyre right. but right now im letting myself wallow when i want to and be sad when it hits me, which it does, often. ps breaking up with someone the week of a race is not a good idea for your psyche. you think taper madness is bad? add a breakup in there, not a good combo (more on that later). 

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i know i made the right decision and one day when all of this is past, ill see it. for now im going to ride the breakup train and whatever emotion will hit me next. stick with me my friends, this blog will still be filled with love, just a different kind going forward.

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the numbers game.

recently i have been thinking about numbers and what they really mean.

for example:
*i have run 388 miles in 2012 so far!
*i only have 3 classes left to complete for my masters degree, whoa.
*it was 97* on my way to work today at 830a. welcome to the desert.
*i have completed 7 half marathons in the 3 years with another 2 on the way.

numbers often lead me to countdowns oddly enough:
*there are 96 days to my dream race, the nike womens 1/2 marathon!
*i will finish school in 186 days, omg.
*only 4 more days until payday!
*in 25 days i might see a ufo at the et midnight race hehe.

now that is a lot of numbers and just a sample of all the ones i have running through my brain at any given moment. (dont even get me started on my work numbers, phew.) the last few weeks have been pretty hectic and completely overwhelming in my job, my family life, school, my relationship, my body, my friendships, and my training. there have been a lot of changes recently in all of the above, some i have responded well to and some i havent. it seems as if the age old philopshy is true...



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while change and numbers seem to be happening at an alarming rate these days, there is one thing i need to remember...


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 i know this sounds simple but it can actually be quite difficult when you really try. if i keep going at full speed ahead and only worry about getting to the countdown days i am going to miss the fun things in between. like the 2 super fun bbqs i have gotten to go to the last 2 weekends with great friends. they werent big productions or things i counted down to, but low key where i actually got to take a step back and have really fun nights. or the phone call i got from my brother from another mother (my brothers bff from preschool) that said he was in town and  i needed to meet them for dinner on friday night so i could have a milkshake, when the plan wasnt to meet up until sunday. and the student from chicago who only gave a few word answers on the phone, but enveloped me in a huge hug with mom and dad the moment i met them face-to-face on campus for the 1st time. plus the sunday i finally got to sleep in as long as i wanted without an alarm (glorious).

they will come, the countdowns will all eventually fall to zero, but what did i miss along the way just to check off one more day? these are just a few things i need to remember to treasure on the way to those big planned days.


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