2013 my way.

its taken a little bit of time for me to decide what i really want out of this year and put that into words. i didnt want to make a new years resolution or an empty promise like giving up chocolate, like that would EVER happen haha.

and so i decided in 2013 i am going to focus on..ME!

the good part about this is it can include a lot of things and be applied into a lot of different areas. i spent the last half of 2012 getting rid of things in my life that were not healthy, like my weight and incesant knee pain. and moving on from things that werent going in the right direction, like my relationship and a few friendships. and really starting to find out what the important things are to me, finishing school and figuring out where i want my career to go eventually. and finding out what an amazing support system i have that reaches farther then i could have ever imagined.

now i can move forward in this brand new year and focus on me. i have some big plans i cant quite reveal quite yet, mostly because they arent formed yet lol. but here are some im thinking about:

*i would love to get into volunteering

im not sure in what yet exactly. the military in some form or working with kids are the areas im thinking about.

with my old store!
a very long time ago at the boys and girls club.

*finish school

this is techinically over but it was a big thing right at the beginning of the year.

*possibly rec sports

some of my ragnar teammates play volleyball and softball so im really thinking about joining now that im done with school!

*enjoy running

while this is something i already do, last year i did a lot of learning and didnt even realize it till i looked back. i had a blast last year and didnt even really stop to enjoy it all. must slow down to soak it all in. and hopefully add another state or two to my map of ones i have run in. 

boom. a warrior.

 *work on my mindset

i made some really big decisions and changes last year. its time to appreciate that the heartache happened and move to a new mental state that this is my time to figure out what i want out of my future.

*clean out my closet

this i am actually going to do tonight. i have soo many things that dont fit anymore because they are just way too big and i cant even try to doctor it up into fitting. time to get rid of all the things holding me back!

*not be so hard on myself

some days this is easier said than done. i am only 27, which seems old at times, but so young at others. i make mistakes, i make good decisions, all of which has led me into the person i have become and will continue to grow into.

*surround myself with good people

today i got a text from a friend celebrating a major milestone that not everyone would love. it was so inspiring and heartwarming that she a. included me and b. had healed from a sucky situation to now be excited about forward is amazing. i am so lucky to have her and so many others like her in my life that i need to grab on to it and learn as much as i can. it also just lifts your spirit more when you have those good ones there:)

i dont have it all figured out yet, not even close. theres a bigger plan for me in all this i know it. sure would be nice to know a little bit about what that is:) but i do know for sure that 2013 is going to get me on the right path to find out whats in store for me down the road!

its my turn to take back the power.

for most of my life ive kept 2 things inside pretty well. the first not totally being comfortable in my own skin and second my knee pain. now let me clear somethings up. this is not a pity party or in no way am i fishing for nice compliments. this is simply my story and how i finally took charge of my own body issues!

i am comfortable with who i am, amazingly grateful for the people in my life and for the things i am able to do on a daily basis. but somehow i have managed to surround myself with beautifully skinny girls (who i wouldnt trade for the world) and just dont feel 100% comfortable all the time. i in no way feel overweight, i just dont want to be the heavy girl at the 5k anymore for example. i want to be able to go to any store and not worry about them having my jeans size. or have people look at me and go youre a runner? i want to look as great as i feel. i have the training part down, i can rattle off my plan, mileage for the week, and all the times of my races at the drop of a hat. i got it dialed and it works wonders for me. so why havent i lost any weight in the last 3 years other than the few in the beginning? it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out why a runner doing 20+/- miles a week with 2 days of cross-training isnt losing weight...its the nutrition.

 

so it all came to pass about a month and a half ago at a work happy hour as i sat there with my iced tea drooling over the alcohol and and cheeseburgers with fries everyone was eating and not having to worry about working those off. i was never blessed with that type of metabolism, i mean a lot of it is in the genes people. now some of these beautiful ladies work rockin hard to not have to worry about that friday night happy hour, i just wondered why working just as much as they did didnt seem to be making a difference. it was also a day where my hair sucked, i wasnt loving anything in my closet, and couldnt eat a french fry without feeling bad. it wasnt a good day to say the least. the next morning i got up to complete my 12 miles (which felt great) knowing they were all loving their beds as my alarm went off at 4am to beat at least a little bit of the heat. i knew something had to change and i was the only one who could really and truly make that happen.

monday morning i went into my boss, the pain still a little raw (it was written all over my face) and asked for her nutritionists phone number. she had raved about joanie forever. telling all of us how great she was and that she worked with anyone. she changed your food yes, but not to a crazy calorie counting diet plan or something we send to your house or you can only eat these 3 foods. she was real. finally realizing it was the nutrition meant i needed help, someone that could work with me and my likes/dislikes and being a runner. you see its often frowned upon for runners to go on diets because we cant totally cut out any one food. but there had to be an answer somewhere.

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so i called the next morning and by wednesday afternoon i was sitting in her office going over bloodwork and talking all about me and my body. she listened to everything and gave me quite a few faces when i told her about the things i was eating. we worked out a plan and she made a "highly recommended" suggestion that i go to the grocery store to stock up on my new things that night! its made up of lots and lots of fruits and veggies, whole grain foods, lean meats/proteins, and things with the lowest sugar/fat possible plus how many of each i should be eating per day. she had lots of great suggestions about particular brands and broke everything down for me. i literally took home a book of information comparing darn near every brand of cereal for example with all its nutritional value. i got on the scale and didnt love what i saw at 170.5 pounds. we did measurements of literally every part of my body and she gave me an "approved joanie" list of things to buy. i headed back to work that day actually feeling great about the step i had taken and was ready to make the change. now i wasnt looking to be a size 2 (or 4 or 6 for that matter), that was never in the cards for me. but i wanted to feel good about myself, and that the work i was doing on the pavement showed!

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friday afternoon i went to see her again and we talked all about how my couple days had been and what i had been eating. she was seriously impressed with my willingness to try new food (except spinach, kale, beans, or oatmeal to name a few) and could tell i was committed. she made me get back on that scale and i was terrified to say the least. turns out i had lost 3 pounds just changing my diet in 3 days!!! i was ecstatic to already have some changes. now yes i know most of it was water weight and flushing out the bad stuff from my body, but i took it!

things fell into place with joanie quickly, not that it wasnt and still is a struggle some days. the pizza on fridays, donuts/pastries on saturday mornings, lunch dates with friends, and the offers of lets go get fast food after the et race were abundant. i have never been to so many birthday parties with delicious looking cake in such a short time. i have had days (quite a few actually) when all i really wanted to do was eat like i used too. the problem was i didnt used to eat awful, especially during half marathon training. but now comparing i didnt eat great either.

i can make my own healthier version of things
like mac & cheese! you dont have to
give up everything to be healthy!

i can now say from july 18th to september 5th i am down 14.5 pounds and 27 inches!!! i have a few weeks left with joanie and am hoping to have a big update friday when i get down to 155 pounds because then we can measure again. keep your fingers crossed:) i feel wayyy better about myself and things are fitting so much better than they used to. my body feels happier when i run having these healthy things and a better balance inside it. i know for a fact i made the right choice going to her!

now that i had the nutrition part under control something else had now reflared up, knee pain. i havent had the best luck over the years. it started when i was 12 and developed osgood schlatters disease in both knees, its common in young athletes actually. basically your body is growing and the impact of sports is putting too much pressure on the tendons in your legs which is causing pain in the knees. most grow out of it, which i did. until freshmen year of high school when i got patellar tendonist in my left knee along with knee cap falling on top of it and to the outside of my leg. the arches in both my feet also fell at the same time. i had to quit everything cold turkey and went to 6 weeks of physical therapy. it helped a lot but i was told i would always probably have some knee pain when exercising, i just had to decide what i could really deal with.

so i took that for a long while and usually icing a few times helped until about 3 weeks ago when i got a bad tightness in the backs of both my knees and the front hurt a lot and quite often. with my past track record of knee pain i decided i should go to a sports doc asap. my mom luckily had a great one that worked on her foot last summer that was also a runner so i knew he would get it. luckily again i got a same week appointment and was into see dr hanson quickly. we took xrays and did ligament tests which i passed all of them. we talked about my changing to minimalist shoes and everything was fine till he had me hop on one knee at a time and it hurt real bad in my right knee. he told me i needed to get into see his friend ron, a physical therapist quickly. there was 8 weeks till my race and he knew ron could fix me in plenty of time.

those just dont look right!

about 5 minutes later i called ron and made an appointment for that next tuesday. i was still cleared to run by both guys as long as it didnt hurt. the 8 miler that weekend wasnt my best run ever, but i couldnt back down now. tuesday came quickly and it seemed like ron had all the answers. he listened to all my stories, did some general tests, had me run on the treadmill and knew immediately what was wrong. he didnt even need xrays to tell him what he already knew. basically it was everything but my knees haha! it all came down to my hips which oddly didnt surprise me. i had hip/knee issues as a kid too. when i was 6 months old i wore a brace to pull my knees apart because they were a bit bowed in and couldnt even go around my moms hip when she would hold me. luckily the brace worked and i never had to have surgery. but now its allll coming full circle lol.

we worked mostly on my form that day and i found out that my glutes had terrible strength. i needed to build them up quickly so i could stop using my hips so much to propel me forward but the rest of my body. we worked on shortening my stride and upping the tempo. i was totally out of breath and my entire lower body was sore, except my knee. ron told me this was his favorite thing to treat and i might even get faster. i didnt really believe that until my next 2 runs!

boom!!

ive been back once after the initial and dang do my muscles need work. i am at a 1 pound weight on each leg when the average is 7-8 pounds. ron says he can fix me in 9 sessions like i said and i might even be really mad at him when this is all done. he told me ive had knee pain for so long and people have always told me it wasnt fixable, he tells me it is and were gonna do it together.

gotta do my own work!

for the first time in a long time i feel really in control of my own body. i feel skinnier in my clothes and people around me are starting to seriously notice. the support i have received from friends, family, and richard has been amazing! my knees are feeling better and i improved my 9 mile route time by 10 minutes from year ago! i know these things are working together and i couldnt be happier with both results:)


ps if you live in the las vegas area and would like information for either one of them, please let me know! i would be more than happy to pass it along and let them hep you on your journey:) also if you have any questions, i would love to help in anyway i can!!

the numbers game.

recently i have been thinking about numbers and what they really mean.

for example:
*i have run 388 miles in 2012 so far!
*i only have 3 classes left to complete for my masters degree, whoa.
*it was 97* on my way to work today at 830a. welcome to the desert.
*i have completed 7 half marathons in the 3 years with another 2 on the way.

numbers often lead me to countdowns oddly enough:
*there are 96 days to my dream race, the nike womens 1/2 marathon!
*i will finish school in 186 days, omg.
*only 4 more days until payday!
*in 25 days i might see a ufo at the et midnight race hehe.

now that is a lot of numbers and just a sample of all the ones i have running through my brain at any given moment. (dont even get me started on my work numbers, phew.) the last few weeks have been pretty hectic and completely overwhelming in my job, my family life, school, my relationship, my body, my friendships, and my training. there have been a lot of changes recently in all of the above, some i have responded well to and some i havent. it seems as if the age old philopshy is true...



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while change and numbers seem to be happening at an alarming rate these days, there is one thing i need to remember...


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 i know this sounds simple but it can actually be quite difficult when you really try. if i keep going at full speed ahead and only worry about getting to the countdown days i am going to miss the fun things in between. like the 2 super fun bbqs i have gotten to go to the last 2 weekends with great friends. they werent big productions or things i counted down to, but low key where i actually got to take a step back and have really fun nights. or the phone call i got from my brother from another mother (my brothers bff from preschool) that said he was in town and  i needed to meet them for dinner on friday night so i could have a milkshake, when the plan wasnt to meet up until sunday. and the student from chicago who only gave a few word answers on the phone, but enveloped me in a huge hug with mom and dad the moment i met them face-to-face on campus for the 1st time. plus the sunday i finally got to sleep in as long as i wanted without an alarm (glorious).

they will come, the countdowns will all eventually fall to zero, but what did i miss along the way just to check off one more day? these are just a few things i need to remember to treasure on the way to those big planned days.


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the ode to running.

happy national running day! i got my miles in this morning and it was one of the best runs i have had in quite awhile. my legs just kept going and going, you have to love those mornings. it made me, like many others think about my running and what it has done for me in the last 3 years. now i know you have all read the runniversary stories (year 2 and 3) but this is a little different...

i run to...

*have days that start out like today

amazing run!

*enjoy a cupcake from time to time

its all about balance my friends :)

*share the joy of running

ive been lucky enough to be there for some new runners and their 1st steps all the way to their 1st race! if that doesnt renew your faith in running i dont know what will :)

*stay healthy

i know it sounds silly and like a no-brainer. but it has really kept me on track.

*get some bling

i mean really, the clothes and the bling is half the reason i run!

seriously, you thought i was joking ;)

*reconnect with old friends via social media

sometimes you lose touch you went to college or high school with. for some reason no matter how long its been since you last talked, running can be the best ice breaker!

*go from this...

summer 2006.

to this...

today.

*meet new people that push me to the next level

if i hadnt joined my runner group i would have never done a triathlon or gotten dangerously close to my new sub-2 hour goal!

*find myself

before this i dont think i realized how lost i really was. running has helped me figure out who i really am!

so heres to a great new year of running! may you all find the motivation you need to keep placing one foot in front of the other to reach that next mile :)

the balancing act.

each relationship in life has a different part of your heart. there are ones that take up small parts and ones that take up big parts. the small parts are usually easy to manage, while important dont usually take huge decisions. the big parts though, those are the sticky ones.

when i talk about big parts i mean things like family, best friends, and your significant other. somehow it seems like im not ever on the right side relationship wise. if i have a significant other the other important people in my life are dont so im a bit of an outcast. when i am single everyone else seems to be in a relationship, so i am still an outcast. how do you juggle it all? how do you stay on the same side as the big parts?

in a relationship the most important is that you and your significant other ban together. when richard and i first started dating he told me how much he wanted to keep the relationships with his best friends current and strong no matter what. he didnt want to be" kicked out of the group" just because he had a girlfriend. not wanting to lose my own self in the relationship i was on the same page! however it soon felt like he would do anything not to lose those friendships, even at the expense of us spending time together. this meant many saturdays spent by myself once we moved in together while he played with his friends. most of his friends were single at the time and i think he envied it a little bit. he also did have the best of both worlds, able to go hang out with his friends all day and then still come home to a girlfriend at night. the other issue we ran into was schedules. because he worked at night he couldnt hang out with anyone really during the week, so that meant the weekend was for everyone. i kept the crazy girl in as much as i could and learned i had to let him figure it out on his own. its hard to watch sitting on the sidelines, feeling like a second choice, and i did many a weekends.

slowly he came to the conclusion that he wouldnt be losing friends just because he had a girlfriend and that his priorities started to change. he also started to realize that the group didnt actually kick anyone out, he just didnt "need" them as much anymore to do the things he wanted. they are a fun group to hang out with and do certain things, but eventually you want to spend time with your significant other more.

while richard struggled with the guys vs girlfriend decision, i struggled with the lack of girlfriends/friends in las vegas. i moved back to las vegas after college and didnt exactly return to many friends. we had all moved on to different things since graduating high school, and i never thought i would be back here. plus making friends in high school and college was so easy, making friends in the real world is totally different. i had made some amazing friends in college and knew they would be a part of my life forever! but they didnt live here and i couldnt call them to go get coffee after work and talk about our days. we talk on the phone and visit when we can, but it doesnt satisfy the i have nothing to do, lets call so and so to hang out. it also makes it hard to balance hanging out with each others friends. i am still struggling a little bit (i wont lie) to find good friends in las vegas, especially good girlfriends. i was (and still am) at times jealous that all of his best friends live in the same place (except for mike just recently moving).

i have since discovered that the friends i met in college really will always be there, and they are the ones i always want to have. while i may make friends in vegas, they dont have to be the same as the ones i have. we dont all have to be best friends. plus people will come and go in your life and thats ok. richard has discovered that the guys will always be there. yes you still have to do your end of the work on a friendship. but its ok to not hang out for a couple weeks, they will still be just as good of a friend the next time you do. he and i have become so much closer in the last couple of months since coming to these conclusions. its ok to have outside friends/relationships, you should to have a healthy relationship. we are both still learning how to fit it all in. but us two are the most important:)

the 2 year anniversary.

being the hopeless romantic that i am, i had been looking forward to our anniversary for awhile. richard actually brought up the ideas first! now by brought up ideas, i mean asked what i wanted to do. we had a bit of a different idea of what we were each thinking. i wanted to get away and stay somewhere like lake las vegas for saturday night. richard was thinking lets stay in town, take the money and see a show. i liked both ideas, i was a little more hopeful for mine because it would be a chance for both of us to relax after a crazy month and a half. i did really like the idea of seeing a cirque-du-solei show, as i had never seen one before. i just wasnt sure we were going to have the money to see one.

we do live in a pretty cool place!

the other thing i was struggling with was the gift. when you are searching for an anniversary gift it shouldnt be something they need, it should be something they want, if even that. and not something you can ask them what they want. i decided a few weeks ahead that i was going to help richard upgrade to 2011 with a new phone. he had the very first touchscreen phone from sprint and was badly in need of a new phone, plus it was time to get a new contract anyway. i had gone back and forth, because it was a little expensive. but i had saved the money and was ready to spend!

the 18th was a monday so we had decided to celebrate the weekend before our actual anniversary.  somehow i scored the weekend off so we were able to spend the whole weekend together. richard had planned out our saturday night and i was ready for an evening alone with my love. i was still trying to figure out when/how to get richard his gift. i couldnt go in and pay for it on my own because i didnt know exactly which one he wanted and i didnt have his account info. so i decided to try and have him help me figure it out before hand. well that went extremely awry.

a few days before our anniversary richards phone started to die. and by die i mean couldnt send a text unless someone else sent it first. then it went really down hill. it got to the point where his phone didnt even turn on. so he went to the sprint store to try and get a replacement, but i was afraid they would talk him into a new one. so as he was leaving that morning i had to tell him the surprise. i was a little sad to have to tell him so early, but so excited to get him something he would love. his response was the exact opposite of what i expected, he said he already knew, and i had been giving it away all week. i was super upset and felt like i should had try to keep a better secret. i also got the complete opposite of the happy/excited face. i woke up from my power nap pretty distraught and not sure he even wanted the phone. i kept feeling like my surprises just were good enough.

we decided to go to the sprint store that saturday since we were going to spend the day together. we also had to have a not so fun conversation about me wanting him to be surprised and show me that and him hoping that i can reel in the little bit of crazy girl i let out sometimes. we both realized as amazing as our relationship is and we that we do have an incredibly strong base, but there is always something to work on. now it may not be huge, because both these were not, however if you dont talk and take care of something like this quickly it can blow up into something huge.

when saturday rolled around it was perfect. we went to the sprint store and spent 2 hours finding the best phone for him. and he took me out that night for dinner and to my favorite place, the bellagio conservatory. we got to get dressed up and spent the talking and laughing together, just the 2 of us. we bonded over a death by chocolate dessert at jean phillipes behind the conservatory.

beautiful:)

seriously yum!

once we got home we spent the night curled up on the couch watching things on our dvr. when we finally decided to go to bed that night i had gone into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. after i was finished i went to crawl into bed discovering richard scrolling through all the apps on his phone saying in awe that he could never get through them all. i knew he loved the phone:)

sunday was a little up and down with the womens world cup game. and i broke my anniversary present:( i am literally the worlds biggest klutz and knocked it on the floor to see it instantly break. richard was more upset about the broken pieces then i have ever seen him. i thought he was going to storm out, he couldnt even look at me. i kept telling him i could fix it with glue, they were very clean breaks, and apologizing over and over again. he just didnt believe me and that put him in an awful mood for the game. we almost stayed home for the game because of the mornings events. finally, almost right before we left, we both stopped putting up walls and let our guards down to accept the other persons apology.

a new snow white for my collection:)

we ended up meeting our friends downtown and i am so thankful we did. we got a few drinks in ourselves and had something else to focus on. the women's team ended up losing the game and it was pretty awful. but it made us get over the argument from the morning. i was pretty upset after the game and richard was right there to help me. it was so much more than a game for me.

after a rocky few days before it was a great weekend together. even with the little mishap sunday. we seem to do these little hiccups around big events. sometimes you forget how long you have been together and what that should mean until you have something like an anniversary come up. that tends to bring up serious feelings that you didnt know where there. as long as you can talk about it to each other, you can make it through anything. communication is the key:)

2 amazing years together:)

the day mom came over.

as soon as i made the decision to move out, i knew eventually i was going to have to get the mom approval.  its something required of all big decisions, its what moms do.  now you may make a decision without her input or whether she is going to like it or not, as i did by moving in, but you know in the back of your mind that sooner or later your going to want her approval.  now my mom reacted much better than i expected her to when i told her my decision, so i was hoping the approval would come pretty soon after.

the next weekend after our move in we decided to have her over.  mom had given us a gift card to purchase new dishes and we decided she should definitely come with us to spend the money.  im not really sure who was more nervous, richard or myself.  the day before we really worked hard to put on the "we really live" here touches.  we got rid of the last of the boxes and hung pictures, trying to match our mismatching things together.  the morning of we made sure to clean the bathroom and had the kitchen looking spotless, well as much as we could.

after some logistics delayed her coming down at the original time we thought, she finally arrived.  when i opened the door she was standing there with arms loaded with things i had left at the house, looking about as nervous as i was.  i quickly invited her in and helped unload while hugging, we are multitaskers, what can i say.  when she walked in there seemed to be a look of disbelief on her face.  now im still not sure if it was because we had actually cleaned, she realized i really lived here, or there were no boxes in sight.  we gave her the grand tour, which took all of about 3 minutes, it is only our first apartment.  and decided we were all starving and needed food asap.

she asked all the typical questions.  how are things going?  are you adjusting?  how are the opposite schedules working?  we answered these and the many others she came with honestly, and i think she was a little surprised by it all.  after we finished lunch we started with the shopping, this is where it all got interesting.

my mom is one of my best friends.  yes she drives me crazy sometimes, in the ways that your mom or best friend always does.  we have a lot shows we watch together, we do 1/2 marathons together, we now both have iphones, we eat pretty similar, we also now both drive volkswagens.  when we go places people always ask if we are sisters, mostly men because they are trying to hit on one of us, what can i say its the truth.  i am often her fashion advice, and connection to things like the social media world.  she is my conscience and will always help lead me down the right path.  we are close in a different way that mothers and daughters are, it something that i cherish very much.  which is why the mom approval is important.

back to the shopping.  we started aiming a little high, browsing through pier 1 and looking at all of the things we are hoping to start purchasing probably this time next year.  being that was our first group shopping experience i was really curious how this was going to work.  when my mom and i shop we ask each others opinion on just about everything that goes into the cart, with the exception of the grocery store.  now some of these questions might be rhetorical, but many are genuine opinion seekers.  except in this shopping experience we have a whole nother relationship to consider, richard, and the fact that we are buying things for our apartment.  so who has the more important opinion?  who do you really listen too?  i mean mom gives the good/practical opinion and richard gives the lets have some fun/be young and enjoy this opinion.  now it kind of makes my mom sound old and richard like maybe he wasnt taking this serious enough, which was not the case in either instance.  its about finding a balance.  merging the stable life that you have always had with your family with this new adventure you have with your boyfriend.  i mean really, who cares if the silverware matches, or if the laundry detergent is a powder or liquid, or if you eat cereal with a little spoon like a normal person and he eats his with a big spoon like a savage.  like i said its about finding a balance.

we never did find dishes that day, or buy everything we needed in the way of basics.  mom really did give us good advice on the things to buy, such as why do you need a mop if you dont have a broom to sweep up the pokeys.  or isnt it really more important to find dishes you both love over settling on some dishes just to get rid of the ones you hate.  it also opened my eyes to how my mom was dealing with things and how our relationship was really going to grow out of this.  she is still adjusting to the fact that we live together, which is ok, at least she is willing to take an open mind.  i am still adjusting to living away from home and figuring out the grown up thing.  when she left that day i thought she was upset with us that we didnt buy dishes.  i realized later that for her, that day made all of this real.  my things are on shelves, my clothes are hanging in the closet, my desk is set up, i really live here with richard.  the next adventure in my life had really begun.