the balancing act.

each relationship in life has a different part of your heart. there are ones that take up small parts and ones that take up big parts. the small parts are usually easy to manage, while important dont usually take huge decisions. the big parts though, those are the sticky ones.

when i talk about big parts i mean things like family, best friends, and your significant other. somehow it seems like im not ever on the right side relationship wise. if i have a significant other the other important people in my life are dont so im a bit of an outcast. when i am single everyone else seems to be in a relationship, so i am still an outcast. how do you juggle it all? how do you stay on the same side as the big parts?

in a relationship the most important is that you and your significant other ban together. when richard and i first started dating he told me how much he wanted to keep the relationships with his best friends current and strong no matter what. he didnt want to be" kicked out of the group" just because he had a girlfriend. not wanting to lose my own self in the relationship i was on the same page! however it soon felt like he would do anything not to lose those friendships, even at the expense of us spending time together. this meant many saturdays spent by myself once we moved in together while he played with his friends. most of his friends were single at the time and i think he envied it a little bit. he also did have the best of both worlds, able to go hang out with his friends all day and then still come home to a girlfriend at night. the other issue we ran into was schedules. because he worked at night he couldnt hang out with anyone really during the week, so that meant the weekend was for everyone. i kept the crazy girl in as much as i could and learned i had to let him figure it out on his own. its hard to watch sitting on the sidelines, feeling like a second choice, and i did many a weekends.

slowly he came to the conclusion that he wouldnt be losing friends just because he had a girlfriend and that his priorities started to change. he also started to realize that the group didnt actually kick anyone out, he just didnt "need" them as much anymore to do the things he wanted. they are a fun group to hang out with and do certain things, but eventually you want to spend time with your significant other more.

while richard struggled with the guys vs girlfriend decision, i struggled with the lack of girlfriends/friends in las vegas. i moved back to las vegas after college and didnt exactly return to many friends. we had all moved on to different things since graduating high school, and i never thought i would be back here. plus making friends in high school and college was so easy, making friends in the real world is totally different. i had made some amazing friends in college and knew they would be a part of my life forever! but they didnt live here and i couldnt call them to go get coffee after work and talk about our days. we talk on the phone and visit when we can, but it doesnt satisfy the i have nothing to do, lets call so and so to hang out. it also makes it hard to balance hanging out with each others friends. i am still struggling a little bit (i wont lie) to find good friends in las vegas, especially good girlfriends. i was (and still am) at times jealous that all of his best friends live in the same place (except for mike just recently moving).

i have since discovered that the friends i met in college really will always be there, and they are the ones i always want to have. while i may make friends in vegas, they dont have to be the same as the ones i have. we dont all have to be best friends. plus people will come and go in your life and thats ok. richard has discovered that the guys will always be there. yes you still have to do your end of the work on a friendship. but its ok to not hang out for a couple weeks, they will still be just as good of a friend the next time you do. he and i have become so much closer in the last couple of months since coming to these conclusions. its ok to have outside friends/relationships, you should to have a healthy relationship. we are both still learning how to fit it all in. but us two are the most important:)

the havasupai hiking/camping adventure part 1.

since i have known richard he has always talked about this camping trip his best friend mike takes every year to the grand canyon. and how bad he has always wanted to go. then i met mike, and he started talking about the same think trying to convince me to go. he showed me beautiful pictures and talked about all the fun they have. last year mike tried to recruit us, but it didnt work out with our florida vacation. as soon as we got back though mike went to work on us again. richard was totally on board but i wasnt. i love the outdoors, im a runner for goodness sake. however i am not a hiker. lets go play in the park or at the beach? i am there. lets go hike a mountain for fun? see you at the bottom with lunch. then there was the camping aspect. i grew up camping as a kid, and always had a good time. but my version of camping is driving to the campsite, taking your cooler full of alcohol and hamburgers/hotdogs, and having flush bathrooms somewhere close. but richard really wanted to go and wasnt going to leave me behind. so i finally gave in and said i would go. i had noooo idea what i was getting myself into.

we started planning in about february for our trip in the middle of june. i started hearing more details about this "adventure." like how you need to take all your food with you, that means freeze dried. there is a 10 MILE hike to the campsite. there is no fire. you need a headlamp to see at night. i will admit, it was starting to freak me out. what was i doing? then came this list, and i wondered even more.

after we got back from nashville, lora volunteered to take me shopping so we could start putting things together. i thought this was a little early, but figured it was good info. we started at rei to get an idea of the right size things for me. how big of a pack do i need, what size shoes do i wear in hiking boots, how much are camelbaks there? it started out easy enough, then i started to get more and more overwhelmed. the pack was $250, but apparently i can get one online for about $30. how does that make sense?! the hiking shoes were at least $120. the five finger sandal shoes that i needed were over $100. i had to start buying all these things like the next day and in all the same brands she suggested.

im supposed to carry that for 10 miles??

i always wanted to try these!

 then we stopped at walmart to look at their camping things. this was equally as overwhelming! she wanted me to buy everything that night. there were 2 problems with that plan. 1 richard was going to question every single thing i bought because he wasnt there to get the story. not something i was willing to go through so early. and most importantly 2 i wasnt willing to turn my dining room into camping central for the next month and a half.

i went home that night completely freaked out about what i was getting myself into. i never thought about getting out of it, i just wasnt sure i was going to be able to handle it. plus there were other outside voices telling me there was no way i was going to be able to handle this trip. once richard got home he calmed me down a little bit and i started to feel better. i did just keep thinking to myself though, i really dont want to go. and really hoped that feeling would go away as the trip got closer.

richard and i went shopping a few weeks later at sports authority. instantly i started feeling soo much better! we found good hiking shoes for only $60 and sandals for $30. we talked to one of the associates there and he gave us really good insight to the trip. he had done one similar a few years back and had some great advice. i finally admitted to richard that night over dinner why i had been a little crazy about the things to buy. i was getting so much "advice" from other people about the exact thing to buy that i was afraid if he bought anything different they would blame me. he told me that we were gonna take the "advice" and use as much as we could, but also make some of our decisions and stand by them. this trip was really startin to put me on edge! thank goodness i had richard who was just so excited that he wasnt going to let anything get him down about it.

not sure these are up to my fashion code...

the trip started drawing closer and closer and our dining room had started to transform. also friends were starting to drop like flies. mike had built in a buffer for this to happen, as it did every year. it all sounds like a good idea 6 months ago when we they didnt have to buy things or the reality hadnt actually set in that they really had to do it. if i was going to back out, now was the time. i decided i was in for the long haul. i had actually scored a pack from a friend's family that had done this trip multiple times! richard had also scored a pack from someone not able to go on the trip. we had also been able to borrow someones tent and 1 sleeping bag. that meant we only had to buy one. we had both bought our shoes and sandals. things were finally starting to fall into place.

the week we were going to leave was upon us and there were changes left, right, and center. our original plan was to drive together with matt since he was driving solo. no point in taking more cars than necessary. then 5 days before we leave matt completely pulls out because there is no camp fire at the site. now the 2 of us were left scrambling a bit to tune up richards car so we could take his. we then went over to get richards pack from mike and loras house and to start making final plans. when we got there lora was not lookin so good. turns out she had tweaked the hell out of her back earlier in the week walking her 2 60 pound dogs when another one had gotten out. she could barely drive to work across town she was in so much pain. with that injury we werent sure she was going to be able to go at all! we made plans to have mike and lora come by thursday night to help us pack since we had no idea what we were doing. richard wouldnt be there, but we could put his together no problem.

thank goodness they came over to help! our packs would have been all kinds of honked up without their help. lora also told me she wasnt going to be able to go:( we were finally going and she wasnt able too. the only plus was that we were able to borrow some of her things. this way richard and i could return a few things we bought and save some extra cash. we finished up and decided to meet the next day at their house about 545p so the 3 of us were going to drive together.

things for my pack.

things for richards pack. i think he needs some more things??

having our packs put together the night before was genius! when i got home friday from work we basically put our last things together and ate something fast before we were out the door to grab mike. he added a few things to richards pack that he was missing, like a sleeping pad, and we were ready to go. that morning was the first time i had woken up and was actaully excited about going. its like we had done soooo much talking and planning and wondering what if, that it had taken away from the fun. it was too late to make tons of changes or wonder what we missed. there were plenty of people going so if we did forget something, we could borrow from the group. it was finally time to go!

ready or not i was going!

the little things no one tells you.

when you move in with someone, whether it be a significant other or your best girlfriend you have a certain picture in your head.  the way he will look when he walks through the door every night to come home to you.  how great it will be to wake up to him everyday.  the way your heart will be content staying in on a saturday night cuddled up on the couch together.  then the move actually happens and the fairytale in your head seems to play out differently in real life.

now dont get me wrong, this move is one of the best decisions i have made in my whole life.  and i love living with richard.  i just didnt know the adjustment period would be so...much.  there are so many things that you dont even realize, i thought i would indulge you with a few.

the sleeping.

i used to stay at richards house on the weekends, and loved waking up to him every morning.  it was extra special weekend treat.  so when we moved in i thought that would be one of my favorite parts, and it is.  except that we dont really get the opportunity to go to bed together.  so i fall asleep on my side, which is awkward.  then he comes in later and has to adjust, flopping all over the place trying to fall asleep.

what seems like a mere few hours later my 1st alarm goes off to get up for my morning run/workout.  i actually set two 15 minutes apart so that i can hit the snooze button without being rushed.  i know it drives richard crazy, but its a pshchy thing. 

the thing we finally conquered were the sheets and the fan.  growing up i have always slept on flannel, even in the summer, just with less blankets than the winter and a ceiling fan.  he always slept on cotton with no top sheet just the comforter and the loudest fan in the world.  after weeks of not sleeping well because of him flopping around like a fish when the fan was on and me freezing because there was no top sheet we had to do something.  we agreed upon putting a flannel top sheet on the bed and not turning the fan on in the winter.  pnce richard got over having the sheet tucked into the bottom of the bed, we have been sleeping great ever since. 

the bathroom counter.

for the last few years i have a had bathroom to myself where i could spread out as much as i wanted to, and i did, often.  so now going back to sharing has been a bit of adjustment and i know that one of the few things that drives richard over the edge is the way i leave things on the counter.  1st i rarely put the cap on the toothpaste.  its my own tube, i never have.  havent really seen the point.  i know the end gets a little crusty (gross) and sometimes i end up wasting some of the toothpaste.  but it never really drives me to put the cap back on.  2nd i leave hair things all over the counter.  clips, bobby pins, rubber bands, and bows.  now they are not stacked so high you cant see what they are, but usually i am in a hurry and they dont always make it back into the drawer.  and 3rd is the fact i leave things on his side of the counter.  i am right handed and have the left side of the sink.  he is left handed and has the right side of the sink.  probably not the best planning, but its the way it happened.  i think the fact that i leave things on the counter comes from being in a rush.  its never on purpose or to drive him crazy.  it just happens.  i really am trying to get better about all 3, i know that the toothpaste cap is definitely the biggest.

the dirty dishes. 

i am definitely not the cleanest person in the world.  i leave things on the floor.  my shoes are usually under the table and not in the closet.  the mail will sit on the counter for a few days before i throw things away.  however i am not so messy that i let mold grow on things or i have 3 inches of dust on everything.   one of my biggest pet peeves is leaving dishes in the sink.  now if you are cooking and then eat right after, thats ok, leave them in there until you are ready to clean up.  leave them in there overnight or to "soak" and i might go crazy.  getting up in the morning and seeing his dishes (that dont need to soak by the way) still in the sink the next morning is enough to drive me over the edge.  just put them in the freaking dishwasher that is right there ready to be loaded.  he always tells me he is too tired and they need to soak overnight.  so that is on one side of the sink.  the other side has the hand blender that he mixes his shakes with and the shaker bottle.  now we dont have a very big sink and i am super clumsy so i always know everything over.  then i get super frustrated because there is not enough room in the sink for me to get water and i refuse to put his dishes away.  were still working on this one. 

the laundry. 

when i said i am not the cleanest person, this is never a clearer statement than when it comes to laundry.  i leave my clothes on the floor of the bathroom under the towels because thats where they drop when i am ready to take a shower.  its definitely not a basket, but out of the way so you can still walk through.  now yes, it may take a few days for them to get put into the actual laundry basket less than 15 feet away, but at least you do not have to walk on them.  richard, not so much.  all of his clothes land in front of the dresser, no matter what.  now by the end of the week i can barely open my bottom drawer to get shorts out for my run.  yes, i do occasionally contribute to that pile with a piece or 2 of clothing.  mostly because i am so frustrated that his clothes are everywhere. 

when i actually do laundry (we do ours separate because i have cooties lol) i am soooo not good at putting them away.  1st it takes me forever to complete laundry because i forget it is in there.  there are also certain things that dont go in the dryer, such as bras, jeans, and dress pants.  these things naturally go over the shower curtain to air dry.  i should have added that to richards bathroom pet peeve list.  once it is done i fold everything and leave it on the dryer...for days.  most of the time for the whole week.  i just live off the dryer.  now i think this drives richard a little bananas.  almost as much as it drives me crazy that he will take out his clean clothes and throw them in a pile on the bed.  and then leave them there all day.  when i am finally ready for bed, they usually end up in a pile on the floor.  and so the cycle begins again.  did i mention you must step on all the clothes to get that loud awful fan?  were still working on this one too. 

im sure as those of you reading this that have been through the adjustment period are dying with laughter.  and i know that in a few years we are going to think this is all hilarious, but for now it is what we are working on.  we have definitely conquered a few things along the way.  for example if i go for an early run i now put my things in the bathroom the night before so he can sleep.  he comes to bed with me sometimes and just lays there as i fall asleep so i dont feel so awkward sleeping on the one side.  we both check what the other is recording to make sure the person home can watch tv even if you are recording something.  he takes things out of the freezer so i have something to eat for dinner without a lot of effort.  i put away the dishes when i get home that he turned on before he left for work so neither one of us has to listen to the dishwasher while trying to watch tv.  who knew these little things we have learned to do for the other could make such a big difference when you are home without the other person?